in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
