I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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