Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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