I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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