Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
