I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
