Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
