You smell like stripper and shame
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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