im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
