I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
