i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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