what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you would pick up someone in the library
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
