did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your cock deserves a montage
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
