I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
