we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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