Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
