I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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