i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
