dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
