i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
