allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just cropdusted the office
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
