Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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