So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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