talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My bed smells like the plague
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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