i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
