Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its liver damage thursday
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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