home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
