My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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