Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
