i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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