Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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