Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
