I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.