Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting