My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.