Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.