you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
