I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
