I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.