can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
