kristin has been a bad kristin
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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