Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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