i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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