I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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