While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
