So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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