We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
