Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
