She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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