You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
