I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
