Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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