so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
