there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
