Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
