The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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