Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
