i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
