She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
