I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
