Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
