i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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