things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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