Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
