i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
