I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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