The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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