if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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