I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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