Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
